[P] Pyre

shreds of memories
it's all that is left
let me treat it
like normal refuse

watch it crumble and burn
like the paper I wrote it on
smoldering now
I look on and turn

[P] Tunnel

I'd say I've been here before
standing at the edge of life
standing at my edge of sanity
waiting for the fall
waiting to plummet

but it's nothing more
just a null feeling
one of nonexistance and selfpity

i would die a thousand times
if I could
but I still dont see
that light
coming for me

Reflexions

2005: The Dynamic Kevin Lives!

This is a bit of reflection on how this year went. Started out kinda rough, smoothed itself over time, and now it feels creamy. I had some cases of pure heartagony, some cases of pure happiness, and some cases of just plain experience.

First thing I can remember is verganity. I became a vegetarian on December twenty first.Also, the freshman-ness. That's about it. I dated a few girls for kicks and giggles, and really it just taught me how homosexual I really was. I didn't learn anything (educationally) life changing, but I did begin making more then the usual friends. I got to meet Liz, who still remains one cool cat. As for Computer related, I didn't have as much then as I do now. I was running an Athlon XP rig.

Stats of the thing
PowMax Lighted Case, with 4 x 80mm fans (2 front, 2 back)
Athlon 2400+ (2.0GHz @ 266MHz x7.5)
PNY Nvidia GeForce 5700 FX (GPU 425?MHz, with Dual 900MHz RAMDAC)
Mushkin PC3200 512MB (@400MHz)
Windows XP Professional
Mandrake Linux 10.0

Then we have our lovely trip to Orlando. Quite the heartache, I remember. We stayed in a crappy hotel, which personally I didn't mind. It had a cool balcony, which allowed me to absorb the rain in a form of angst. I used a good bit of cell phone minutes talking to Maria and Danni, even thoguh we never met. That is what pissed me off. I never got the chance to talk to them. I did play DDR at Universal Studios and show off my awesome Heavy skills, compared to the other people there. Also, I got to finally embrace the goodness of HotTopic. I got my first buttons and patch there on that trip. And lastly, on the way up, I found my calling. Stimulant pills. At this point, it was only caffeine.

After that trip, I began to understand the darker lifestyles. I began to appreciate Goths, and also deffierentiate them from the Emo kids. I became fascinated with the raver lifestyle, and questioned my wardrobe (which still hasn't changed much). Also, I went vegan for a month. It didn't work since my parents were being such fucktards. I still kept being a vegetarian.

Summer came around, and I rejoiced greatly. Why? I did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Hell, I was so unproductive, I was counterproductive. Give me work and I'd kill it. I met Brooke and Stephanie at a party that the great Siera held. About this time I also started hinting more on the gay side. Also, I picked up my cigarettes. They came to me as my first way of stress relief. Which then lead to my painkiller spree. I learned that muscle relaxers can do some pretty cool tricks. For example, delayed and intensified vision. When I would run, I would just see a quick blur before everything slid back into focus. Also, I learned about the awesome Vicodin drug.

So, fall came in, school starts, and it's easy. I had no problems with coming back, and I passed off all my first quarter grades with ease. Occasionaly, I'd have a B for a bit, but it all worked out. I find this site, Darkstarlings.com, join, and meet the awesome Rachel. Also, I recieve education on the occult and seriously dark lifestyles. School kicks me again, second quarter rolls around, and then the fun starts.

Second quarter would be what many call "a bitch." Then, something shiny, orange, and tasty entered my body. Adderall, or amphetamine, was offered. I took it, thanking her. I tried 40 MG my first day. Then I learned about how fun it was, etc. So, now, on occasion, I'd do it to get work done. Which, after that bit, leads me to here, where I'm sitting in my chair, typing this post.

I've lived a good life so far, and I thank all you people for making it good.
Merry Xmas, Kevin.

Sunday The Fourth

My acne meds upset my stomach and made me puke. Great. Thought it was the hangover. Oh well. I still feel like shit, but I'm trying to do better.

I do, however, take this time to share some of my ideas while I was speeding.

Ok, so I have an idea:
Self Forgery. Imagine suing yourself for forgery. Of course, you have to make sure to plead "Not Guilt by reason of Insanity".

NOte: Yes, I joined, Bakatorrents. http://www.baka-updates.com/ djwinphreak:hokkaido

staple on the stylus 300 digital. Put a staple onto the lever so that it works? Or short it out some other way.

Artists only make around $2 each. This isn't even split up among the members!

Raps SUCKS. admit it. 99% of Black people listen to it. It's simply distorted noise set to a pattern.

Building drum set instruction. First, you need plywood, cotton/springs, and a buncha snare silencers. Run them as you would imagine, and voila!

Also, download Drum Machine, Drum Loops, Acid Pro (by sony).

My LAN controller {10/100/1000 (G)MB} keeps overheating. What do I do1!!!!1!1!11!. Maybe it's the router, or, if not, the modem. This could be bad. Very bad. A router overheating is usually NOT a good thing. Nor the modem. If i disable and re-enable my network connection, it'll work for a while. Maybe the router is just on the fritz. I dunno. I'll mess with it tomorrow, when I'm coming down a little.

Remots on a keyboard are soooo useless. i mean, seriously, who would make such a stupid thing. Microsoft? oh, wait.

Definitely something to be odd. Haven't done the homework yet, so I'll work on it in a bit. Also, I restarted my Japanese coursebook. Sounds fun, I know. Fuck C++. I can learn that in college. For the next 2-3 years, I am the script kiddie. (dramatic music que)

Oh, and whoever does read this thing, use AIM to send the message "lalalapenislalala" to me at djwinphreak. Or email it to winphreak[at]gmail.com

~Fin~

Saturday, the Third.

Today, in a nifty list :D
(Underlining is to represent already done.)

• Go home from A.L. on Friday


• New! Have Derrick come over, spend night.


• Christmas Parade (pshaw, boring!)


• Go to aunt's house, pick names for christmas(It was so-so. Got some anti-histamine pills by accident. God damnit!)


• Take adderall, trip, do C++ work in an all-night fashion (still working on it)


• Resume school

So far, not bad. I need more cigarettes, and I fouond out a good place to pick 'em up. Aside from that, it's the same thing as always.