DeadResync

According to last post, I was pissed. But anyhow, nothing to say for today. Too miserable to care.

DeadSync

Fuck it all. I'm not going or doing anything for a long time. If it was worth it, then I wuold. But for now, my moment of death is waiting.

BloodSeep

Alrighty, looks like this has taken a turn for the worse. Someone called me last night, and for the sake of privacy, her name is still secret. Said her and her bf were fighting over accusations of her cheating. Lovely. Now she's cutting and crying herself to sleep, and she came to me. I do feel sorta bad, and I'm gonna try to spend the day with her if I can. Which brings me up to a little note here.
Current favorite away message: "Committing Suicide. BBL" Never take me seriously
I could never commit to it. sure, I mess around with it and all, but never do I contemplate death for me. I do , however, contemplate it altogether, but that's due to the philosophy of my natures.

Anyhow, I got more rum finally. I just said fuck it and took the whole bottle. They won't notice anyhow. And, for a test run, I checked the sharpness of my knife on my leg. It doesn't do too bad a job, but still took a bit of pressure to even penetrate the skin. I hate that thing sometimes. It flipped in my pocket at school and poked my thigh. That hurt.

Well, I have more shit to do, and then people to talk to, so I'm off.
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KillingScum

"You see death, and you hold on. You see Devils tear your life away. If you've made your peace, then the Devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth."

That's my quote of the moment. Anyhow, the days grow longer and sadder for me, because it seems I actually share pain. Who would have thought. This damn research paper is fucking my schedule up the ass, and that's about it. Made a orange drink today, but it was a tad strong. Can't expect to keep people interested if it tastes like ass.

Well, I'm done, and since I have writer's block, no poem. I'll leave with lyrics instead.

Forsaken

When I have nothing left to feel.
When I have nothing left to say
I'll just let this slip away.

I feel these engines power down.
I feel this heart begin to bleed
as I turn this burning page.

Please forgive me if I bleed.
Please forgive me if I breathe.
I have words I need to say.
Oh so very much to say.

And whose life do I lead?
And whose blood do I bleed?
Whose air do I breathe?
With whose skin now do I feel?

I'm supposed to walk away from here.
I'm supposed to walk away from here.

And whose life do I lead?
Whose blood do I bleed?
Whose air do I now breathe?
I'm convinced there's nothing more.

The day you died I lost my way.
The day you died I lost my mind.

What am I supposed to do?
Is there something more?

The engines power down.
Like a soldier to his end I go.
Because I'm convinced
that there is nothing more.

and whose life do I lead
and whose air do I breathe?
With whose skin and whose blood do I feel?

What happens now?
Have I done something wrong?

Forgive my need to bleed right now.
Please forgive my need to breathe
But I've so much to say
and it wouldn't matter anyway.
You're not here to hear these words that I must say
and I'm convinced inside
that there is nothing more.

Whose life do I lead?
Whose air do I breathe.
Whose blood do I now bleed?
With whose skin now do I feel?

I have nothing left to say.
I have nothing left to feel.
Am I supposed to let this go now,
let darkness come and take you away?

ParanoiaUnderAll

Still looking for that one person. Having kevin, love, heart, and 69 in an ame is a sign of.. I dunno.I would think it obvious. Anyhow, whoever you are, I ask of you to reveal yourself. I was asleep after you sent those three heys.
Now on to different measures. I ordered my MP3 player. Have a CPR test coming up wednesday. And Never went anywhere this three-day weekend. Life sucks, as usual.

Goal Realized, Goal Set.

Become your biggest dreamer.

A decent amount of info was discovered, applied, and reowned today. I talked to Katie on a few occasions, and I settled this thing out. It took forever though. I also realized my compatibility with someone else. Interesting thoughts.
Lastly, I managed to get my FUBAR site up and runing. It's on freewebs now, since I'm too lasy to get my webhost working.

Not much else. I'm out though.


--Plague--

You never seemed to understand
why it is I gave a damn
only you would never worry
seemed like you tried to hurry
but it wasn't worth it in the end...

you know you can't
you see me rant
and it hurts you to know it's true.
but no matter how much you try to hide it,
you will always be blue.

//::User has logged out::\\

And with the showers of fire...

...Comes the spark of life.

A bit of updating this time. First off, this is dedicated to all those right-winged fascists. Die. Now, on to more recent matters.

I found a good pocket knife in my dad's car and "borrowed" it. I might start carrying it on me for the sake of being able to slit some skin or attack. Either way.
I've regrown liking alcohol again. Today I had some rum stuff and tonight I'm having wine and tea. Good stuff. yum yum.

Watched Trigun, X, and Happy Lesson in Anime League. ALl of them were good, wit the exception of the last. Might be going over to Sam's house sunday if I can. Would be nice.

I saw the look of concern today. As if Fate had given an omen of pure coincidence or furthermore a premonition. Eitherway, I'll take it. Liz kept giving me an uneasy glance today. And that's the part that bothers me. The uneasiness of it. Not a comforted "haha" or anything, just a glare almost. *shiver* reminds me of the Face of Death I saw in Britnay that oen day.

The weekend looks fun. I get my new MP3 player tomorrow if all things go well. Aside from that, I haven't really much to say.
I depart, with a poem.


--Oppression--

The soft eyes
roaming and searching
against the hard-felt grain
of the days without grace.

The whisper
of a solid promise
broken
without a word.

Glass
Shatters
And the truth is revealed.

By Kevin/Spike/Hideki

//::User has logged out::\\

Gabba!

I'm bored. therefore I rave. If I get my vodka, I'll be happy. Aside from that, not much. I may be targetted for possible terrorism links soon if things keep up. go me.

Misc!

Updating. Today is not good. I alread see black death before this relationship gets remotely mature. I would call it a dead shot and let it go, but I'm too lazy. She's almost more different then orignally thought. Oh well. I can't stand to think on it too much. I'll let it go and let itself settle. It was a blind game from the start.

As for everything else, the diet is resumed, as well as my exercise sessions. I might make a web site about diets I know of and post it somewhere
I bought Chobits vol 2 and FLCL vol 1 manga yesterday. both are awesome reads. Right now, I feel like just dying. Getting a bottle of tylenol PM and sleeping my life away, like it should be.
*sigh* I'm out.

Updated

I don't think it's fitting to give posts titles. It's like putting labels on everything. The truth should come out, pure and unclean.

As for this, I have a few things to say. One thing I slowly noticed is that Mr. Pubentz, my History teacher, slowly grows cuter in my eye. A bit odd, but nonetheless true. As for Felicia, I love her to death and still miss her. I can't wait to see her again.

I slowly rework my diet plan to lower fat and calorie intake.
Aside from it all, I'm converting Kaorin-Chan into an Otaku. 'Tis a good life afterall.

~Ciao and Out~
.:://User has Logged Out\\::.

Update

Today was dull. I need sleep. Felicia's going away for a few days due to unforseen (although I beg to differ) consequences. I might need to cast a circle soon and clear my conscious. It's bugging the fuck outta me.

Well, nothing more to report. Possible conversion of neutral unit is possible, and shall be commecned at roughly 0700 hours.

~Ciao and Out~

Updated on a dull day, a day of rain and neigh.

Yeah. I might start using this thing as a witchcraft journal as well. I don't wanna buy a book. Anyhow, if I do, it'll have [P] in the update title. Time to start pointing out today...

I agreed to go out with Felicia. You know, she's one of those people you either grow to love or love to hate. I'll vote for the first, than have it vetoed by my friends. I really wish I could just go out to the garage and smoke. It's annoying to have to try and contain myself and whatnot. My teachers suck ass. I had to go around three times to get my report card. and even then I didn't get it! I'll do it tomorrow. my efforts are wasted on today. I might go find that tequila and dig it out, but then again I might not. Either way's good, and for now I'm gone.
.::{User has Logged Out}::.

Updated

Almost! Almost talked to my mom about it. Then I changed my mind. I figure I'll let myself get caught someday. It's not like it'd be uncommon. Anyhow, I got to paint a huge room at the YMCA today. I painted for three hours. Those fumes made me feel a bit buzzed. I get chinese though, which means one thing: crappy sushi with steamed rice!

I might see a movie with Felicia and Britt tomorrow. Racing stripes. It seems ok, but nothing that special. Anyhow, I still like Britt. Dunno why. Maybe it's something else... anyhow, I saw some excerpts of an original Gravitation manga. Wow. So HOT!!! SHUICHI-KUN!

I'm done. And out.
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Update

.:|Currently Watching - Samurai Champloo Volume 1|:.
Yeah. Today was weird. I don't wanna cover it all though. Although I will say that Samurai Champloo is like Cowboy bebop meets modern maiji era.
It's funny as hell too.

*sigh* I had thoughts again, and this time I truly wonder what it all means. Brit seemed to be flirting with me. If so, good good. If not, well, it was all fun. I still like her though.

I haven't said anything to my mom just yet. I might do it tonight. After all, she's had a bit to drink. I might dig into it if she passes out. Yum. Tequila and Tea. Go me.

My shoulder still hurts, and I'd kill for a cigarete right now. Too bad my parents don't know yet. Or at least think.

Well, I need to finish my DVD. I'm out.
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Update on the Fib, y0!

Yeah. Today's date is a fibonacci number. Miscellanous fact number one. Number two is that have scrapes on my knees, elbow and head. I was running with the dog. She stopped in front of me to sniff something. I tripped. End of story.

However, there's more to my day than just that. I heard some horrid things happened thanks to the snow on the ground. A girl apparently crashed into the back of a bus. Rumor has it that her windshield met her backseat. She's in a hospital, although I don't know what condition or even her name. Also, a bunch of other students had a few light crashes.Nothing morbid, thankfully.

Also today marked the second day in a row with a cigarette in my mouth afterschool. I suppose it does get addictive. Of course, the only kind I have in my room are Winston. Ewww... Winston sucks. But anyhow, I'm gonna break the silence eventually, just gotta find the right time. Also, this morning I had a headache and took 4 ibuprofen at once. It dropped like Goths at a bloodbath.

Eh... I had another confrontation to fix up with that Jackass Brad Wethington. I hated him back in the older days, and still hate him. He makes George Bush look good. Speaking of the devil, I had to put up with the State of the Union address all of last night. It interrupted my Echoes listening! I had some trouble sleeping. Thanks Mr. Lucifer!

Yeap. Also, I finally figured out a good way to pass the time in study hall. do work! It seems I've been forgetting some of my work that's due the next day. Go me.
My shoulder still hurts like fuck too.

As for smiling, I'll do it once this empty soul finds itself. As for me though, I'm gone.

Update~

I figure I might as well use this for what it's for. Updates in the form of truth.

I wanna yell at my Parents, but honestly, it's all good. I wanna talk about smoking. It's been bugging me since I last lit up. I don't think they'd have a problem if I did. Hell, they might even buy cigs for me if I'm lucky. I don't see any wrong in doing it. I know it harms me. So, if I know all this, why can't I? They smoek themselves anyway, not like it's anything new.

This morning was rough. I didn't wake up until 10 minutes before I had to leave. Managed to get everything done thankfully. Got to school with a headache. Slept away study hall and it felt better. Then English, Modern Era, and Geometry were all boring as usual. Ate lunch. Wrote that gothic lullaby as an impulse. It's pretty, I think. Then Science, Web I, and French II. A Dull day, as usual. However, it had its usual qwerks.

First off, I heard of a friend's never-ending crush on someone else and how it made him cry. As sincere as it is, I stll don't call it "in love". Argue if you will. Names are unnecessary. I might talk to him about it soon. I know what he thinks, and I don't wanan see him run blindly into the field. Also, I get sick of how annoying and stupid some of my friends are. Zak especially. That kid get's annoying as all hell sometimes. And I don't mean anything bad towards him, just that it gets annoying. Matt too. But he's usually playing it smooth when he can. Anyhow, in Science, We just goofed the entire period. Have a shitload of homework to do in SH tomorrow too. Fun.

Also, I started thinking myself on the issues of love. Love is simply a caring attitude towards someone. "In Love" is a rumor. Myth. False Identity. An Illusion. It only makes the relationship seem unbreakable, when really it's more fragile then you'd normally want to think about it. I still like her.. but that's a topic for a more closed entry. One only available to myself and the Gods above. Anyhow, she said she might be interested in Anime and Manga. This means I get to spread the gospel oncemore.

And to wrap up this giant essay type post, I had to defend my sexuality once more. Stupid preps are the queer ones. They don't fit in, so they act like rulers. I would have no problem storming the school armed with some friends and a bunch of shotguns. but that's illegal for a reason. I don't want to bring violence into it unless it's absolutely necessary.And currently, it isn't necessary. So there's my pacifist attitude coming out once more.

Anyhow, as for me, I'm out of here. Feel free to leave comments on the new design. It took me a whole 10 minutes.

Gothic Lullaby

Rock the saw blade on the vein
As you feel the horrible pain
Now I feel so alive
as I try to make myself die.

The Rules of Linux

Rule Sheet for Linux Users
Rev 0.02

#
1. Always run system commands as root and user commands as a normal user.
2. Expect KDE programs to SEGV[] fault.
3. Expect reliability.
4. Expect yourself to slowly hate windows.
5. Never expect hardware to work perfectly in windows and then work perfectly in Linux.

Linux Rules --- Computer itself

1. Code will not compile unless it is almost perfect.
2. Programs never contain virii.
3. Compiling downloaded binaries is easy sometimes.
4. the order of user-friendly-ness is as follows: KDE (most), Gnome, IceWM, WM, Console
5. Always keep at least one terminal open.
6. Firefox is the IE of Linux.
7. Closed source programs are products of soulless companies.